So, I’m kind of stressed right now. The big things:
- My cat Mauser (aka KidneyKitteh if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook) is very, very, VERY sick. As in, the vet gave me a serious face and said things “don’t look good.” Which, considering how sweet and upbeat and nice she is, is basically like a normal vet saying “break out the shotgun.”
Why yes, I do tend to use humor as a defense mechanism, why do you ask?
- One of my oldest friends is getting married this Sunday in LA. I desperately want to go but things are so up in the air around Mauser that I can’t tell what to do.
- There’s work stuff going on I won’t talk about here cos I don’t blog about my day job.
- I’m seeing my Eastern medicine doc twice a week, which cuts into my schedule cos I have to take it easy in the evening after treatment, which means no gym or Aikido those days.
- My Super Secret Project is coming to fruition, augh! Exciting-but-oh-god-what-if-everyone-thinks-it’s-stupid-and-laughs-at-me?????!!!?!?!?!!11one1!eleventy!
So. Yeah. Stressed.
When I get stressed, I have noticed, one of my biiiig patterns is that I like to start new things. New projects have that built in optimism, you know? Like starting a new year of school or a new, blank journal. “Maybe this time it will go PERFECTLY!” says my brain, and I get that little rush of hope. Plus, whatever the new thing is usually has enough New Shiny to take my mind off whatever it is that’s stressing me. At least, for a while. Then I get to be extra-stressed on account of slacking off on the stressy stuff while doing the New Shiny.
I was reading an old post of Havi‘s (why yes, I am an enormous stalker of hers) and in a comment she referred to Berlin as her “lieblingsstadt.” I know just enough German to kind of figure out what that means, which made me feel awesome. And then my brain went like this:
I know what that means! > What if I always knew what German meant? > Like Dad! > German is so awesome > Learning new things is fun > I could practice with Elkit too! > OMG WHERE CAN I GO TO TEACH MYSELF GERMAN?!
Notice the complete lack of “do I have time/bandwidth for this?” “Is this a good idea?” or other actual consideration.
Fortunately, I noticed what was happening before I hit Google up for a teach-yourself-German course recommendation. (Points to my brain for not running off to a local college for this, since I’m trying to save money.)
So, I am taking some deep breaths and not rushing off to learn German. I am going to add it to my List Of Things To Do At Some PointTM, though. I’m also going to take it as a sign that I seriously need to do some self-care. Apparently the sacking out and watching movies I’m doing lately for a freelance gig isn’t enough. Time for some detective work to see what would be enough.