Ego! Ego! Ego!: Feminism Archives
June 22, 2009
My Proposal: That I Stop Watching Stupid Romantic ComediesI should have known better.
When I boiled down my movie-reviewing options to "The Proposal" and "Year One" for the weekend, I should've gone to see "Year One." Sure, it looks like one of Jack Black's bad movies (his movies are, in my experience, either freaking awesome or freaking horrible. There is no middle ground.) but romantic comedies almost invariably grab my feminist chain and yank it, hard.
"The Proposal" was no exception.
File under: Feminism, Movies, Rantings
Posted at 01:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)January 22, 2009
Blog for Choice 2009
January 22, 2009. The 36th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision that gave us freedom of choice. Blog for Choice Day.
It's no surprise to any of my readers that I'm violently pro-choice. I don't even discuss abortion anymore if I can help it, because it's such a hot topic with me. The thought of being forced to carry a pregnancy to term horrifies me on a visceral level.
So, unsurprisingly, when I hear someone say that abortion should be illegal, or only legal under certain circumstances, what I hear is, "I think you should be forced to bear a child you don't want. To know every moment of every day for nine months that someone other than you has made a decision about your most intimate parts and enforced it, and you can't do anything about it." Needless to say, the whole "give it up for adoption" argument doesn't cut it with me.
Obviously, even if somehow California did outlaw abortion, I have enough money to get myself to another state, our country, or whatever, and handle things. That's because I'm privileged enough to have money. But lots of women aren't, and the thought of those women being forced to bear children they don't want speaks to me very deeply, and I feel that same horror.
I've made lots of pro-choice posts here before, and don't really think it'd be useful to rehash them. The pro-forced-birthers feel their own visceral horror at the thought of abortion, I know. And that's part of why this is such a fraught discussion. They hear us pro-choicers say "it's a woman's right to choose" and they hear "we want to kill babies!"
I sometimes despair of finding a common ground.
But I also keep fighting. For myself. For the desperate teenager in a rural, conservative area. For the single mother of three who can't afford more. For the woman who desperately wants a child but is suffering eclampsia. For the idealist who is trying to lower her carbon-footprint. For women everywhere.
Some days the fight means giving money to Planned Parenthood. Sometimes it means writing letters to legislators. Sometimes it means voting, and reminding my friends to vote. Sometimes it means telling someone I know casually that I'm pro-choice because it's my body, and if you can't make me donate a kidney, you can't make me rent out my uterus either -- and watching them think about that for a minute while I take a calming breath and try to settle my hackles back down.
But I keep fighting.
Happy anniversary, Roe v. Wade. Long may you remain.
January 15, 2009
Overheard: Girls and SportsI just overheard two of my male coworkers talking about their daughters' involvement in sports. One of them said that his daughters do gymnastics and he likes that, because it's good for balance and keeping healthy -- but that he didn't want them to compete because of the pressures it would put on them about their bodies, and planned to subtly discourage it. He said for guys he thinks competitive gymnastics are mostly okay, but girls get negative body image crap.
Sometimes I love the bay area. The fact that a couple of computer geeks were talking about their daughters getting negative body image from their extracurricular activities gives me hope. So many people -- male and female -- either aren't aware of that kind of thing, or actively encourage it.
I do hope if their daughters do want to compete in a physical activity that they find one less likely to push them to be super-scrawny and encourage them to go for it. (One possibility would be swimming, at least at the lower levels. My poor-to-middling high school swim team included a handful of us who were darn good swimmers but not what you'd call thin, and we never got flak about our weight from the team that I can recall.)
January 05, 2009
Aikido and FeminismGood grief, I've been quiet, haven't I?
Well, if you've been watching my Flickr stream, you know I passed my brown belt test. Tons of pix here. While I was testing, I thought I was doing terribly, but I'm always my own worst critic.
I also recently sent a link to one of my favorite essays on feminism of all time to a young woman on a message board where I occasionally hang out. She had, much to my dismay, said that she was not a feminist in a post espousing the idea that men and women are equal! So I sent her Yes, You Are, by the brilliant and hilarious Sars of TomatoNation. Here's a taste:
The definition of feminism does not ask for two forms of photo ID. It does not care what you look like. It does not care what color skin you have, or whether that skin is clear, or how much you weigh, or what you do with your hair. You can bite your nails, or you can get them done once a week. You can spend two hours on your makeup, or five minutes, or the time it takes to find a Chapstick without any lint sticking to it. You can rock a cord mini, or khakis, or a sari, and you can layer all three. The definition of feminism does not include a mandatory leg-hair check; wax on, wax off, whatever you want. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist.Yes, you are.
I don't make New Year's Resolutions anymore, but if I did, I'd probably include "to fight abuse and misuse of the word "feminist" wherever I find it."
Aikido and feminism are definitely connected for me. One of the reasons I'm so proud to have reached brown belt is that I'm one of only two women with this rank in my dojo. We have no higher-ranked women, either. The idea of a woman attaining high rank in a martial art -- even one as pacifist as Aikido -- is so unusual in our society that we have very few women at the dojo at all. There are a handful of teen gals who train, but most of them will probably go the way of other teen gals who trained there -- off to college, and off the mat.
File under: Aikido, Feminism, Pure Ego!
Posted at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)October 28, 2008
Rant: Abortion as a state's rights issueSo I was listening to an episode of Speaking of Faith recently, where a conservative was discussing religion and politics (it was a sequel to an episode with a liberal doing the same thing), and the guy was all on about being pro-forced-birth (or "pro-life" as he put it) and saying abortion should be regulated by the states.
I'm used to hearing that, but this time it made me do a double-take.
I mean, let me get this straight. This guy thinks that abortion is murder, but thinks that states should be able to decide if they punish it or not.
File under: Feminism, Political Schtuff, Rantings
Posted at 07:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)July 21, 2008
GRAH.OK, I've been letting this sit until I could write a coherent post about it. I am still not at that point.
So.
Please read this and this (both by the marvelous Naamah) and then take action here. The feds are trying to classify hormonal birth control methods as abortifactants -- which would make them illegal in the event that Roe v. Wade got overturned. Neve rmind that some women take the Pill for reasons other than contraception, never mind that hormonal birth control prevents implantation and without implantation there is no abortion possible because without implantation you are not pregnant. Worse, it sounds like this rule would let "crisis pregnancy centers" (which will bully, lie, and generally mess with you to prevent you from getting contraception or abortion services or information) get federal funds to operate! GRR. SUCH BULLSHIT! EALASAID SMASH!
I am still a fervent Obama supporter in spite of his bullshit comments on abortion (also linked by Naamah in her posts). Even with his "oh, mental health isn't a real reason to get a late-term abortion" schtick he is still way better on the subject than McCain. Obama is smart enough to know that "mental health" issues around pregnancy are why Andrea Yates killed her five children, for example (postpartum psychosis is real, people. Look into it). I think Obama was pandering to the Christian magazine he was being interviewed by when he said that shit. Yes pandering sucks, but I knew when I first became a supporter of the man that he was a politician. I'm not so much of an idealist to believe that one can get elected without at least a little pandering.
ETA: Naamah has a wonderful para-by-para analysis of the HHS memo thingie here. Go. Read. Your blood will boil. I know mine did. I think it's time to bust out the stationary and write a few handwritten letters to various representatives.
File under: Feminism, Political Schtuff
Posted at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)June 10, 2008
MisogynyNaamah proposes that women complain loudly about misogyny more often. I think she is onto something.
And the sad part? I don't think to mention this shit when it happens, because it is fucking background noise. It is so endemic in this culture that when it happens to me, I do not perceive it as exceptional, even though I absolutely do perceive it as threatening. For fuck's sake, I don't even remember where the above incident with the wedding ring asshole even occurred because it has blended in.Now, I'm pretty lucky -- I live and work in an area known for its tolerance (SF Bay Area) and while I work in tech, which is heavily gender-polarized, the company I'm at is made up nearly entirely of awesome people. And I mostly hang with nerdy types, who may be nervous around women but generally aren't actively horrible. I also have what I've seen termed the "fuck off bubble" going on (as opposed to the "hump me gene" some unlucky gals have). I don't get hit on much, and when I do, it isn't by pushy assholes. I think I radiate "I will kick you in the balls if you fuck with me" so hard that they leave me alone.That is, now that I think on it, fucking appalling.
This doesn't mean I don't get the occasional bout of assholery directed at me, just that it happens really rarely. At least, I think it does. I'm going to try to pay more attention and see if I spot anything to report on. I'd like to encourage my readers who have blogs of their own to report on misogyny in action in their lives as well. I think Naamah makes a good point -- that shit shouldn't be background noise. We should be calling folks out for it.
My classic example of misogyny in action in my life is the issue I had with PE in middle school. We were coed all year except for one section, when boys were to do wrestling and girls were to do aerobics. I hated aerobics and thought wrestling sounded like more fun, so I asked the teacher, "what if a girl wants to do wrestling?" he said, "Oh, you don't want to do that." And I, in my little middle-school head, said Oh, it's on, asshole, and got my Mom involved. Long story short, I took wrestling (with my buddy Jenny as my wrestling partner so the boys wouldn't be tempted to grope me during class). It was pretty fun. Admittedly this was in the early nineties and I imagine things are different at that middle school now, but still. The situation was fucked up. I can see separating the genders for contact sports like wrestling, but the boys-wrestling/girls-aerobics dichotomy is bullshit.
February 05, 2008
WOO!Defeating Assholery, One Sexist Idiot At a Time. Freak Magnet lays the SMACK DOWN!
Stories like this make me happy. I hope I will have the courage to stand up to large drunken men if they ever behave like this to me or my friends.
October 17, 2007
OMGWTFBBQI got this today from Planned Parenthood.
October 12, 2007
40 days of forced birthA while back, I blogged about the 40-days-of-life campaign. Well, it's underway (though not in my area -- I volunteered to be a clinic escort, but so far they haven't needed me. Guess the pro-forced-birth contingent has given up on the San Francisco area as a lost cause), and a doctor in a Planned Parenthood clinic has a blog now to document what it's like from her side of things: Emily X. There's video and everything. Neato! I wish the PP folks much luck. The pro-coathanger brigade are scary people.
July 08, 2007
Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: a stream-of-consciousness reactionI read the article "Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters" in the spring '07 issue of Bitch this morning. It's an excerpt from the book of the same title and really struck me. It made me feel both better (because it was a reminder that I'm not alone in my perfectionist self-loathing) and worse (because it highlights what a struggle it is to overcome this self-imposed misery).
Martin makes the point that most women my age and younger feel like we have to be perfect. We hear "you can be anything!" as "you have to be everything." It resonated with me very strongly. Whenever I'm stressed, I slip into the perfectionist way of thinking and it becomes a struggle not to see every cluttered horizontal surface in my dwelling as an accusation, every extra pound as a failure. I have got to get this book.
June 28, 2007
Gender stuffI just updated my booklog entry on The Gift of Fear because I finally tracked down my favorite passage in the book. I've added the passage to the entry. Please go read it, as I think it is extremely good.
May 07, 2007
Naamah strikes againSo I linked to Naamah's post "Animals.". It is a kickass post.
She has written a followup. It's really long and has plenty of profanity, so it's not a light read. But damn, as usual, she takes the words right out of my mouth.
April 11, 2007
An open letter to Jon StewartI am mailing this to Mr. Stewart today. Thought I'd share.
January 03, 2007
Yikes.And people wonder why I say feminism is still necessary (note that by "feminism" I mean "working for equality between the sexes" not "hating men").
In a recent column, Dan Savage published a letter by a woman who was raped by her boyfriend while she screamed and pleaded for him not to do the things he was doing. She wound up in the hospital, nearly unconscious from blood loss and requiring thirty stitches to repair the damage he did (he, thoughtful fellow, called 911 after his orgasm, since she was bleeding out). The boyfriend, his friends, and his family are all pressuring her to forgive him. She asks Dan if she should.
He, wisely, says no, and says that the asshole should be on his knees thanking his lucky stars she didn't charge him with rape and try to get him thrown in jail. He points out that forgiving this guy will make the rape seem like an ok act to him, thus making him more likely to rape in the future. He also suggests that she see a counsellor to double-check that she's really as okay with the whole thing as she seems to think she is.
I don't always agree with Dan Savage - in fact, I generally only read his column when someone links to it to praise or condemn him. But this was a good reply, and I give him kudos for it. I am also horrified. That poor woman.
So, a quick review, since evidently some people out there (hopefully none in my readership, mind you, but still) seem to need it:
- A sex act performed without the consent of your partner is rape.
- Yes, even if it's your girlfriend/wife/lover/boyfriend you're doing it to.
- Yes, even if you use lube.
- Yes, even if you go slow.
- Yes, even if you use a condom.
- Yes, and especially if he/she is screaming and crying for you to stop the whole time you are doing it.
- Yes, even if you didn't mean to hurt him/her.
- A sex act performed without the consent of your partner is rape.
If you stop in your tracks every time a prospective partner indicates unwillingness, you will not only not be a rapist, you will earn their gratitude (unless they are a mind-game-playing asshat, in which case you should leave them). The whole "oh, he/she says no now, but he'll/she'll love it once we get into it" thing is manipulative bullshit. When someone doesn't want to engage in a sex act with you, forcing them to do it is rape. Period. ARGH.
I'll cut and paste the piece below for posterity.
December 20, 2006
Abortion debateThere's an absolutely fascinating abortion debate here. It's between a pro-choice atheist and... a pro-forced-birth atheist!
Crazy.
It was pointed out to me by a friend, and I read it with great interest. I have a significant disagreement with the pro-choice guy, but I liked how he defined "person" and I like how he dismantled the pro-forced-birther's arguments.
File under: Feminism, Political Schtuff
Posted at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)October 26, 2006
AWESOMEWatch the video Dove | Evolution. Has sound but doesn't require it.
It's a time lapse movie of a billboard being produced, from the model's makeup and hair to the photo retouching. It's seriously unnerving. Reminds me of The Art of Retouching.
October 24, 2006
BB made it!Biting Beaver's account of her abortion. My favorite part:
Overall, this has been a learning experience for both of us and I can quite safely say, with complete sincerity, that anyone who says, "Women use abortion for birth control" has never, EVER had an abortion.That notion was dispelled for the complete idiocy it is within a half hour of the cramps starting. It's likely that having been through this procedure myself I will personally wring the neck of anyone who is stupid enough to suggest that particular fallacy around me ever again. I can firmly say that I do not believe that any woman uses the equivalent of a jackhammer to the guts followed by bleeding and clotting as well as no intercourse and 'light duty' for several weeks as birth control. The notion is completely absurd and it's disgusting to me that the forced birth movement has tainted abortion so much that a generally held belief is that you can have one and it's just like taking a pill or slipping on a condom.
October 23, 2006
BrilliantKnowledge vs. Belief: a brilliant piece of writing in one of the communities I read. I've copied it below for posterity, because I really don't want to lose it.
October 16, 2006
ReadingSo there's this nifty blog I've discovered, Den of the Biting Beaver. I first found her when the Carnival of Feminists linked to her back in September.
October 12, 2006
FreedomThis morning I was discussing this post at Molly Saves the Day with my Dad. It's a post about how feminists who shave or wax aren't "real" feminists. Now, I already think that any pissing contest about who's a "real" feminist and who isn't is just stupid. It ends up, to continue the metaphor, with everyone covered in piss. Not productive.
September 22, 2006
Feminist ForumOK, inspired by Molly and Pandagon, I am opening a forum for my readers to ask me questions about feminism! :D I know, I know, they have a jillion more readers than me, but hey, why not?
I'm filching Molly's guidelines, which I like:
1) Please ask questions in a spirit of honest inquiry, rather than one of hostility. I understand that there is a lot of hostility against feminism, but try to remember that when you're talking to a person who is a member of a group, it's best not to implicate the entire group in a negative way (e.g. "why are all feminists so damn ugly?")
2) Please ask each question in a different response. It will keep things less cluttered.
3) I'd prefer to keep the number of questions to 3 or fewer per questioner. If this goes well, I'll do it again sometime and you can ask further questions then.
4) All questions should be pertinent to the subject of women's rights, LGBT rights, workplace equality, beauty culture, fat politics, feminism, reproductive rights, or other topics relevant to and discussed on this blog.
Here are the things I promise to do:
1) I will answer every question asked according to the above guidelines to the best of my knowledge and abilities, and without any sarcasm or hostility (I promise). There is no such thing as a stupid question today.
2) I will post other responses from other feminists to questions, provided they meet the same "civility of tone" requirements I request of questioners.
3) I will try to make sure you come away with an honest impression of feminism and feminists, and a knowledge that feminism isn't all things to all people, nor is it necessarily for everyone.
4) If a blog or book exists that focuses on the issue you're asking about, I will both give you a complete answer and steer you toward that blog or book for further reading.
One thing, however, I will not do:
I will not claim to represent the views, opinions, or ideas of feminism as a whole, personally. I will attempt to give different feminist opinions, but as complete as I may try to make my responses, I may miss some differences of opinion. Do not take my personal views as the complete representation of feminism -- use them as a jumping-off point!
Edited to add:
I am closing comments on this entry as it's only getting spam comments now, and it gets more spam comments than just about any other entry.
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