• About Ealasaid

    Ealasaid is a technical writer, freelance movie reviewer, bookbinder, and geek-of-many-trades based in Portland, OR.

    The Hitman’s Bodyguard

    by  • August 29, 2017 • Movie Reviews and Features

    Ryan Reynolds (l) and Samuel L. Jackson (r) are lying on the ground, propped up on their elbows. A van is on fire behind them.

    Directed by: Patrick Hughes Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Ryan Reynolds, Elodie Yung, Gary Oldman, Salma Hayek, Tine Joustra, Joaquim de Almeida Rated: R for strong violence and language throughout It can be very freeing to walk into a movie with low expectations: either the movie is bad (and you’re right) or it’s good (and...

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    The Dark Tower

    by  • August 29, 2017 • Uncategorized

    Idris Elba (l) and Matthew McConaughey (r) face off in The Dark Tower

    Directed by: Nikolaj Arcel Starring: Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor Rated: PG-13 for thematic material including sequences of gun violence and action. Translating a book (or books) into a movie is a tricky proposition, like disassembling a car for parts and using those parts to build a motorcycle. They’re both story-telling vehicles, but...

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    Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

    by  • July 25, 2017 • Movie Reviews and Features

    Written and Directed by: Luc Besson Starring: Dane DeHaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Kris Wu, Sam Spruell Rated: PG-13 for sci-fi violence and action, suggestive material and brief language Luc Besson’s films tend to be deeply strange and more than a little suspension-of-disbelief-crushing. “Lucy” had such bad science, it was actively painful, for example....

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    Spider-Man: Homecoming

    by  • July 11, 2017 • Uncategorized

    Directed by: Jon Watts Starring: Tom Holland, Michael Keaton, Robert Downey Jr., Marisa Tomei, Jacob Batalon, Laura Harrier, Jon Favreau, Zendaya Rated: PG-13 for sci-fi action violence, some language and brief suggestive comments In the last 15 years, we’ve gotten five Spider-Man movies. Do we really need more? Having seen the newest one, I...

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    The Mummy

    by  • June 13, 2017 • Movie Reviews and Features, Uncategorized

    Undead mummified princess Ahmanet, generating a standstorm, which is rearing up behind her

    Directed by: Alex Kurtzman Starring: Sofia Boutella, Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis, Russel Crowe, Jake Johnson Rated: PG-13 for violence, action and scary images, and for some suggestive content and partial nudity Universal Pictures is taking their monster movies out of deep storage, dusting them off, and trying to give them a new life. If...

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    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    by  • June 13, 2017 • Movie Reviews and Features, Uncategorized

    A brunette woman and a blond man are tied to a ship's mast, and are wearing period clothing

    Directed by: Gore Verbinski Starring: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Rush, Kaya Scodelario, Brenton Thwaites, Kevin McNally Rated: PG-13 for sequences of adventure violence, and some suggestive conten There’s a new “Pirates”tale in town, and if you have seen any of the previous films, you know exactly what to expect from this one. “Pirates...

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    King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

    by  • May 16, 2017 • Movie Reviews and Features

    Directed by: Guy Ritchie Starring: Charlie Hunnam, Astrid Bergès-Frisbey, Jude Law, Djimon Hounsou, Aidan Gillen, Tom Wu, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Neil Maskell, Annabelle Wallis, Eric Bana Rated: PG-13 for sequences of violence and action, some suggestive content and brief strong “King Arthur” is pretty much everything you could want from a medieval Guy Ritchie film....

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    Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2

    by  • May 16, 2017 • Movie Reviews and Features

    e Saldana, Dave Bautista, Karen Gillan, Michael Rooker, Kurt Russell, Pom Klementieff, Bradley Cooper (voice), Vin Diesel (voice) Rated: PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi action and violence, language, and brief suggestive content 2014 brought us “The Guardians of the Galaxy,” an origin story for a collection of interstellar misfits who wind up having to...

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    The Fate of the Furious

    by  • April 18, 2017 • Movie Reviews and Features

    Ealasaid A. Haas Directed by: F. Gary Gray Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Dwayne Johnson, Charlize Theron, Jason Statham, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Nathalie Emmanuel, Kurt Russell, Scott Eastwood Rated: PG-13 for prolonged sequences of violence and destruction, suggestive content, and language “The Fate of the Furious” is the eighth installment in the...

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    by  • March 28, 2017 • Movie Reviews and Features

    Jake Gyllenhaal and Rebecca Ferguson as two astronauts floating through a corridor in the International Space Station

    Directed by: Daniel Espinosa Starring: Rebecca Ferguson, Jake Gyllenhaal, Olga Dihovichnaya, Ariyon Bakare, Ryan Reynolds Rated: R for language throughout, some sci-fi violence and terror There are only a few requirements for a horror movie to be really good without being ironically good or campy: decent production values and acting, genuinely horrifying things happening...

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