Silly Latin

Dunuone Latine loquebar?
Was I speaking Latin again?

Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur
Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.

These are from a pair of wonderful books any Latin student should own: Latin for All Occasions (Lingua Latina Occasionibus Omnibus) and Latin for Even More Occasions (Lingua Latina Multo Pluribus Occasionibus), both by Henry Beard (Henricus Barbatus), and made available here for your amusement, without intent to infringe.
Do yourself a favor, and go buy the books! This is just a sampling!

Pithy Latin Expressions to use in English

Ipso facto By that very fact

Nullo modo. No way.

Labra lege. Read my lips.

Pactum factum. A done deal.

Raptus regaliter Royally screwed.

Latin Signs for our Times

NOLI PERTURBARE
DO NOT DISTURB

TIBI GRATIAS AGIMUS QUOD NIHIL FUMAS
THANK YOU FOR NOT SMOKING

SI HOC SIGNUM LEGERE POTES,
OPERIS BONI IN REBUS LATINIS ALACRIBUS
ET FRUCTUOSIS POTIRI POTES!
IF YOU CAN READ THIS SIGN,
YOU CAN GET A GOOD JOB IN THE FAST-PACED,
HIGH-PAYING WORLD OF LATIN!

Bald-Faced Lies are Less Bald-Faced in Latin

Perscriptio in manibus tabellariorum est The Check is in the mail. Nihil declaro. I have nothing to declare. Nescio quid dicas. I don't know what you're talking about.

Ita erat quando hic adveni. It was that way when I got here. Nemo hic adest illius nominis. There's no one here by that name. Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo. Don't call me, I'll call you.

Threats Carry More Weight in Latin.

Prospice tibi - ut Gallia, tu quoque in tres partes dividaris.
Watch out - you might end up divided into three parts, like Gaul.

In tempore praeterito plus quam perfecto de te mox dicent.
People will soon be referring to you in the past pluperfect tense.

Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules.
If I were you, I wouldn't walk in front of any catapults.

Fighting Words are Safer in Latin

Quid me appellavisti?
What did you call me?

Ita, te adloquor.
Yeah, I'm talking to you.

Visne illud iterare?
You want to repeat that?

Ita vero, esne comoedus?
A comedian, huh?

Itane? Tua mater!
Yeah? Your mother!

Visne aliquid de illo facere?
You want to make something of it?

Tutene? Adque cuius exercitus?
You and whose army?

Foras gradiamur.
Let's step outside.

Vene, cum Latine nescias, nolo manus meas in te maculare.
Well, if you don't understand plain Latin, I'm not going to dirty my hands on you.

Useful Curses

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
May barbarians invade your personal space!

Utinam coniurati te inforo interficiant!
May Conspirators assassinate you in the mall!

Utinam modo subiunctivo semper male utaris!
May you always misuse the subjunctive!

Terms of Nonendearment

Caput vacans Airhead Muliercula Bimbo Cimex Creep

Vervex Dolt Blennus Doofus Caudex Dork

Pila foeda Sleazeball Tiro in exercitu stellarum Spacecadet Simulator Wannabe

Put-Downs are More Final in Latin

Fac ut vivas. Get a life.

Expergiscere et coffeam olface. Wake up and smell the coffee.

Veritatem imitare. Be real.

Latin: It's More than a Language - It's an Attitude

Aio, exercitorem linguae Latinae proprium habeo.
Yes, I have a personal Latin trainer.

Exercemus causus ablativos et modos subjunctivos meos.
We're working on my ablatives and subjunctives.

Volo ut syntaxix mea splendescat in litore, veniente aestate.
I want to get my syntax into shape for the beach this summer.

The Basic Philosophies are Best Expressed in Latin

Cogito, ergo sum.
I think, therefore I am.

Sum, ergo edo. I am, therefore I eat.

Cogito, ergo doleo. I think, therefore I am depressed.

Cogito sumere potum alterum. I think I'll have another drink.

Wiretappers Don't Know Latin

Placetne tibi ut eum necemus?
Whaddya say we bump him off?

Locum despoliemus.
Let's stick up the joint.

Materiem habeo - habesne nummos?
I got the stuff - you got the money?

Bene! At scin quid faciam? Certum est mini subterfugere omnia vectigalia ei imposita!
Swell! Hey, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna evade all the income tax on it!

And finally, two brief passages all Latin students ought to know by heart:

An All-purpose Evasion of a Request for a Latin Translation

Illud Latine dici non potest
You can't say that in Latin

An All-Purpose Phony Translation of a Latin Inscription

"Having done these things, they made the sacrifices prescribed by custom lest they be found lacking in filial piety."

My Serious Latin Quotes