Homophobia and Pro-Natalism

(Pro-natalism is being in favor of people having kids, and is often used to describe situations which penalize folks who don’t have kids.)

So, we know that homophobic men get excited by gay porn, which suggests that folks who get all “OMG homosexuality is a choice!” may feel that way cos they’re attracted to members of their own sex and are choosing to go against that. In other words, the people who get the maddest about gay folks often are gay and working hard to deny it — and thus are on some level envious of folks who aren’t making themselves miserable the same way.

I was reading a piece on Bitch Magazine’s website and its ensuing comments, and it suddenly hit me: do the people who get so offended by childfree folks’ intention not to have kids fit a similar paradigm? Are they so offended because they secretly don’t want to have kids, or wish they hadn’t had them, and are envious of people who decide not to have kids in spite of those feelings?

Now, I’ve mostly been lucky and not run across folks personally offended by my decision not to have kids, but I’ve met with plenty of condescension (“oh, you’ll change your mind!”) and confusion (“but… but then why are you getting married?”). I have run across plenty of folks online who are pretty damn offended that the childfree exist and aren’t ashamed of their lack of childbearing urges. I try not to engage them, it’s bad for my blood pressure.

We all know from the kerfluffle around Nebraska’s child abandonment law that not all parents are happy they had kids, but there’s a huge taboo in our culture around admitting it. Hell, lots of anti-abortion propaganda sounds like children are a punishment.

Just an idea to chew on. I know people who desperately want kids, people who love their kids to bits and are happy to put up with the difficulties of parenting, and I totally respect their choice. I’m just kind of intrigued by this line of thinking around the folks who don’t respect mine.